[28 Dec 2009|01:35am] november551 experimenting with whether i can keep my house warm using wood fuel. uhh...not working out so well yet... 1 blows|post comment

[26 Dec 2009|03:12am] november551 okay so it's christmas riiight I've basically got the next week off which is nice. I had to work Christmas eve on the nightshift so I didn't get off until 7am, and then I got pulled over leaving work because I had a headlight out. WTF Anyways. dildo baggins Let me tell you bout Dildo Baggins. Its this nurse I work with on nightshift on the med-surg floor. HE WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT DRINKING WATER!!!!! Yea okay motherfucker, I know, water is good for you. But seriously. Sorry, red bull fucking and coffee rules (especially when one follows the other). Shut the fuck up about water, ok?? He's roughly 5'3", bald, and fat. And anytime you bring up drinking anything, he says, "That's so bad for you, you should drink more water." I mean seriously, this douche says this shit like once an hour. I think he used to be an elf at the north pole that got kicked out for talking about water all the fucking time. Just STFU DUDE!!! my yard My yard is still fucked up. I have a really funny neighborhood. I live at the end of a cul-de-sac. Anyways, behind me are a bunch of houses but I can't see them most of the time. Unfortunately with fall, all the leaves fell off the trees so I can see them now (Oh well bla I don't swim in my awesome fucking pool at this time of the year anyways). That's besides the point. The point is, back behind my house is another subdivision. It's funny because my sub doesnt have an HOA, but the sub behind me does. Their HOA outlawed leafburning. So I burned this huge pile of leaves and I had this asshole in the house behind me peeping at me with fucking binoculars as a Iburned my leaves HAHAHA okay fuckit post comment

30 hell [23 Dec 2009|12:21pm] speedypete312 it doesn't change. it never changes. every year i prepare for it, and it's never preparation enough. i've spent the last two days literally curled up in a ball in my bed having flashbacks and crying. i wish keith were here, i wish he were laying beside me. i miss him my father e-mailed from hawaii. apparently he's just not enjoying the islands as much as he used to. he said he misses me. he and my mom are fighting about the sad state of our 'family.' my mom is worried that all his efforts to reconnect with me, eric, and pum are 'making her look bad.' how disgusting is that? i don't understand why he doesn't slit her throat, after what she's done to all of us. to me, i guess. kinda pointless to keep up the pretense of selflessness when you're blogging the day before christmas about your stupid first world problems. i imagine it hurts all the same though, no matter where you're from. when you love someone, and they use that implicit trust to deliberately harm you, that must hurt no matter what. right? or am i just another spoiled upper-middle class brat? there comes a point when watching the end of francois ozon's le temps qui reste fails, and the screen cracks under the weight of a grief it can't hold.  (here it is anyway though) nothing more to say, really. i miss my father. i miss my mother when she was sane. in my dreams it is still 1987, and they had never laid a hand on me, not really, or at least i hadn't felt so alone, so captive and utterly without recourse. i am still in the backseat of that lone car shuttling through the winding roads of appalachia, my mother's screams tangling around me like overgrown brush. i remember my father's eyes retreating in horror as my jaw bled with a freedom i would never know. i can still hear her screaming, and the house silent on christmas eve, silent as a tomb, i remember flinching when the floorboards of that haunted house at 613 st. mary's ave, cumberland maryland 1987 creaked under my footsteps. and i remember feeling so sad that no presents were under the tree for me, my name was not amongst the others. and the following morning still i'd hoped it was just a joke, until my mother told me once again that i had ruined their lives, that i should never have been born, that i should have died while i was inside her. and that christmas (and the giving of gifts) was only for people who deserved to be alive. i've never recovered from my years in that house, or with those people. and sometimes i just wish i could feel a friendly hand on my shoulder, a hug, and not instinctively register it as someone hitting me. anyway, i needed to say something, and sometimes the sight of words on a screen you know there's a least a chance of someone reading is enough to prove that at least you're entitled to something.  if not to the air you breathe, then at least to a moment's attention in the flickering spasm of temporality that is the internet. so...yeah.  happy holidays, dur.   sorry to be a downer. just do me a favor? if you are with your loved ones, make sure they know you love them. that four letter word -- and all that comes with it -- is more precious a thing than you'll ever know. also (and i apologize for being morbid just grant me this concession, ok?) if anything should ever happen to me (i told you this would be morbid) please someone make sure this stupid blog  1. has all its old private/friend-only posts made public   2. stays up for as long as possible?  and my flickr account too.    hey, while i'm asking i might as well request a winning lottery ticket. 3 blows|post comment

[21 Dec 2009|11:10am] dnonwoo this is a bad phone cam picture, but ( acorn squash are so freakin' pretty!! ) and so freakin' yummy stuffed with onion/mushroom/wild rice goodness. if i had to eat this every day, i would. post comment

Streetwalking Down Memory Lane [17 Dec 2009|11:03am] red_hot_kitchen [ music | The Submarines : Waiting for a War (cover) ] Below are older posts that I opened. I really fucked myself with finals this semester. The good news is that it is morning and I am awake. Just like a normal person! I also want to post some old photos and sort through/open most of my really old posts (that were friends only or private) – it is as if they are written by someone else, a better writer than I am. Late October post Babies in the tomatos, daisy chains, communes, protein powder, bullies, vampires,… Early to mid November post Threats of nudity, horror movies, fetishes, Frankenstein, Conrad Atkinson, anatomy and physiology, grassy knoll theory…. Late November Boca, compounds, yards of blonde girls, Nancy Drew home pregnancy test, The Pope vs. the Dalai Lama revisited ….

oh hai! [16 Dec 2009|05:58pm] dnonwoo so, i'm in love with my CSA box and i've been doing a whole lot of cooking. and i'm so in love with talking about it, that i was going to start a new blog about it. and post things like how i made this and it was awesome (or so i'm told, i don't do beets or goat cheese, but it was real pretty). or how i made this and it was awesome. or how i made this and it was awesome. or how i made this and it was awesome. or how i made this crazy rainbow chard dip with garlic and toasted sunflower seeds and pureed the shit out of it with my fancy new immersion blender and it came out awesome and i spread it on everything and i want to immersion blend all my food now. but then i never remembered to take pictures. and then i made like 3 batches of really bad soup in a row (like, throw-it-out bad, and those that know me, know i throw out NOTHING), and now i'm afraid of the kitchen. so, you can keep dawa.blogspot.com, person. 3 blows|post comment

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